I’m writing this at exactly 4:07 am when I am supposed to be writing my thesis proposal. Instead, I am here writing about wanting to write again.
There are just a lot of things in my mind especially these past few days and I had to put them somewhere so that I can finally get them out of my system.
I want to write again.
I have never been a strong writer, but I do enjoy journaling and reading entries from the past. Now I wish I wasn’t too impulsive, that I didn’t delete my previous website just because I figured that I have been writing too much sad stuff there and I needed to start anew. And now I’m here, a year or two later, with a blank canvas but the same melancholic thoughts. But this time, I’m ready to embrace it. My life isn’t currently what I wished for it to be, I am not the person that I wanted to become, and that is okay. What’s important is that I’m taking steps towards the goals that I have set for myself.
But am I?
Lately I’ve been reflecting about what I really wanted to do. I’ve been in a sort of an existential crisis for years now. I know the things that I wanted to do, I have a loooong list of them. But it’s hard to choose a path, especially when there are still things from the past that are holding you back.
I’m trying to tie up unfinished businesses so that I can finally move on. It’s been exhausting and sometimes I want to give up again, but I’m still fighting, yes.
For now, I’ll just content myself with writing the things that I want to do; and maybe I’ll find the time/energy to do them even if I’m tied up.
I want to draw again (and enjoy the process!). I want to attend art conventions once again and have a booth to sell stickers.
I want to compose, make music. I miss performing in small gigs. I would like to do some covers with my friends.
I want to revive my passion project, Egg Nebula. I want to get into astronomy once again.
I want to get back to 3D modelling and 3D printing. I want to build cool stuff.
I want to learn about UI and UX.
I want to create something amazing, to try something new.
I want to fully embrace my creative side.
I want to live again.
